I was writing in my journal a few minutes ago and I discovered something about myself that will change me forever.
I have been or wanted to be an artist my entire life. I’ve believed with all my heart that it would come to something, that I would use it for something.
Years have passed. I still feel like my art is meant for something good. I admit that I don’t know if its for something farther along or if it has already done what is required. Is it a destination kind of task or a journey?
So what did I discover while writing in my prayer journal? I brought up the subject of “something” again. I wrote that whether or not that something is a great thing or not, I’m okay with that. I’m going to move forward and do what I’m best at. I have thought for a long time that art is what I’m best at. I’m afraid to paint though. I keep finding big and small reasons to NOT paint. While praying I had a thought. I’m afraid to paint because I’m afraid that I’ll find out that I’m not all that. I’m not a prodigy. I’m mediocre. Then I realized, for the first time that mediocre would be okay. It’ll be good enough. I’m always trying to improve and I love learning. If I never become the absolutely best artist in all history, it’s okay. If the very best I can do is to be a mediocre artist, then I’m going to be a mediocre artist that paints and paints and paints. I have stuff to say with my art. It’s okay if I’m Shelley and not Rembrandt. He had stuff to say and he said it. Now I have to say my stuff and I’ll say it with my art, just as Rembrandt did. And it’ll be okay. It IS okay.